Recoveries
by jayni1000
Summary: Someone brings him back. He doesn't know how, he doesn't know why. He just has to find his friends. Please R&R, good or bad. Set after CoE, and yes, I refuse to let Ianto go. Rated M to be safe. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello! I recently watched Torchwood, Seasons 1, 2, and Children of Earth. Ianto was by far my favorite character, and it made me incredibly sad that they killed him, and worse, won't bring him back. I don't write fanfiction very often, so please review if you like my work. I'm fueled by reviews, good or bad, so don't hesitate to give me your thoughts. This story picks up after Children of Earth, and the plot fairies are spinning me ideas. Here's the introduction, and I'll post more if I get reviews (good or bad). I do have a plot lined up, but I'd hate to share it if no one is interested. Thanks so much!_

_I don't own Torchwood or its wonderful characters._

Darkness. Dank, musty air. Cold, incredible and bone shattering. It was eating away at him. Every breath he pulled in burned his throat as if he hadn't breathed in years. The cold, sharp air rushed across his wind pipe and he gasped for more. The pain washed across his body as his frozen muscles struggled to carry out his wish to move. Air, he needed more. He gasped in sharp, ragged breaths as his body convulsed. He felt his elbows and knees scrape across something. He reached out with his fingers and felt wood, course and grainy, surrounding him. Panic took over as the air ran out and he dug into it with his fingers, clawing away at it, trying to reach more air. He didn't stop, it felt like hours. Clawing, digging, scraping, gasping. His fingers touched something soft and wet, and moisture began to pool around him. "Air," he whispered and kept going. He dug through, not sure what was rain and what was blood. The closer he got, the more he could feel, hear, smell. Dirt, cold and wet on his fingers, surrounding him as he climbed. Rain, pounding onto the soil on top of him, beside him, all around. Grass, more and more as he pulled and yanked and clawed his way up. He pushed his hands, his arms, his shoulders up. He felt air and breathed in. Cold, more cold. The wetness was covering him, and he just wanted out. "A little more," he gasped, and pulled himself the rest of the way out. He rolled over and looked up at the rain falling around him, gasping in the cool, fresh air. His eyes drifted closed.

How long had it been? He jerked awake with a start and was relieved to still find air. He could see now, the sun was rising and it brought warmth with it. He forced his body to follow orders and twisted around to look behind him, almost colliding with a slab of stone. He grabbed on and brought himself to a kneeling position facing it. His eyes slowly cleared and he brushed away the mud covering the words. "Ianto Jones. Beloved Brother and Colleague."


	2. Chapter 2: Rising

_Wow, first I'd like to thank everyone for the reviews! I wrote the prologue last night before bed, and woke up this morning to find more reviews than I ever expected. Thank you so much!_

_I do have a couple of warnings for you about my writing. I don't think this chapter will have any, but I do love beating the crap out of some of my favorite TV characters in my stories. Sorry! Anyway, thanks again for the reviews, and I hope you enjoy this next chapter._

TW

Rhiannon woke to find Johnny crawling out of bed, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Where're the kids?" she asked as she mimicked his actions. She asked that same question every morning, ever since the 456 incident. Johnny took her hand and they walked down the hall together, stopping first at Mica's room, and next at David's.

"See? They're fine, love," he said quietly and pulled her into his arms. He'd settled a lot in the last few months. He was still the bubbly, say-anything-that-pops-into-his-head Johnny that she knew and loved, but there were more of these quiet, loving moments than there had ever been before. She loved him even more for it. She'd never say it, but her brother's death had ripped a hole right through her, and Johnny was there, slowly shoveling his love into the chasm, trying to refill the part of her that had been taken away.

"Better get breakfast ready, they'll be waking for school soon." Rhiannon walked into the kitchen and Johnny headed to the bedroom to get ready for work. The world had recovered surprisingly well from the 456 incident. People still got up, went to work, stopped off for tea or a bite to eat. She heard a tumbling from upstairs as two shrill alarms went off, and she smiled. The eggs on the stove started to crackle, and she turned back to her work. Two minutes later, two raggedy little bodies, hair disheveled, tried to push past each other getting to the breakfast she'd laid out for them. "Thanks, mum!" they called out in unison, then glared at each other over their breakfast. They reminded her of when Ianto and her were kids, rushing downstairs to get to school. Ianto had always side-stepped away from their Dad, keeping his distance, but he'd always kept close to Rhiannon, even if it was to nudge her and try to steal her eggs. Her breath caught as she pushed away the memory and finished packing their lunches.

Johnny walked into the room, pulling on his coat. "Hey love, hey kids," he called out as he sat and started devouring his breakfast. "Oh," he continued, his mouth full of food, "they want me to stay late today. I won't be more than a few hours late." She nodded. "What's for lu…" he began, but was cut off by a quiet knocking on the door. "I've got it!" he called out, and bounced up heading towards the door.

TW

He rolled his neck, straining the tight muscles, popping his shoulders as he tried to loosen up. He'd been walking all morning. It was around 8 now, and he was receiving odd looks from people on their way to work. Looking down at himself he saw why. He was wearing one of his tailored suits, but was covered in mud, and his hands were torn up and bleeding. He hadn't noticed the pain until he looked at his hands. There were a few large splinters tearing into his flesh, still protruding from large gashes in his fingers. He paused and started pulling them out. Wonderful, he thought to himself. Now they hurt even more. "Just around the corner," he whispered and started off again. He wasn't sure what he would say when he arrived, but he had nowhere else to go. And he had to make sure, make absolutely sure that Mika and David weren't in the 10%. God, I hope Jack stopped them. He ran his hands over his face, grimacing as the pain shot through his hands again and he realized he'd just smeared blood across himself. A half smile came to his face when he imagined what he must look like. Some strange man in a suit walking down the street, covered in mud, with blood streaked across his face.

Before he realized, he was standing in front of the door, grasping the knocker. A few quiet taps, and he heard Johnny's voice inside. He sighed despite himself. He wasn't in the mood for gay jokes. "God, what am I supposed to say?"

Two seconds later the door was ripped open and he was face to face with his brother-in-law. Johnny held a piece of jelly-smeared toast in his hand, and his mouth hung open when he saw who it was standing on the threshold. Half a second later, the door was slamming shut and Johnny had pushed Ianto back against the porch wall. His finger dug into his chest. "Who the hell are you? Did the government send you? Are you TRYING to torture my wife? Cause I'll tell you one thing, Mister. I'm not going to put up with any crap! Now who the hell are ya and why the hell do you look like her dead brother?" He was almost screaming now, and Ianto felt the air being pushed out of his chest as Johnny's hand crushed him against the wall.

"Johnny, it's me. I don't know how, it just is." He gasped for air as Johnny hesitated. "I woke up early this morning. I, I had to dig…" His voice trailed off and he looked down, sadness and despair overwhelming him, his eyes tearing up. Then a spark jolted him back to life. "Mika, David, were they taken?"

"Uh, no. Jack stopped it, or so I'm told. Are you really him?" Johnny's face got so close to Ianto's they almost touched, looking deep into his eyes. "Oh my God." Before Ianto knew what was happening, he was picked up and spun around, heading towards the door. "Rhiannon, come see!" he called out, and before Ianto could struggle out of his arms or stop him, Rhiannon hurriedly opened the door and stopped short.

There weren't any explanations, no questions asked. There was only crying and hope, pain and joy. As he was shuffled into the flat, Ianto stopped, thousands of questions coming to his mind. Questions, joy, loneliness, confusion, hope. But as he stopped and held his sister close, there was one thing, one thing above all else. There was love. Unconditional and absolute.

TW

_Why? Why had he done it? The world was unraveling, and another monster was created._


	3. Chapter 3: Reunion

_I still don't own Torchwood or its characters, though I'm working on that. :P_

_Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy! Oh, and I don't have a Beta Reader, so I'm doing my own proof-reading. Let me know if I need to be more thorough._

TW

Ianto stepped out of the shower and stared at himself in the mirror. He stood there, towel wrapped around himself, water dripping down his body.

"Jack," he said quietly. He paused and took a deep breath. "Jack!" he almost yelled, furiously drying himself off and throwing on the ridiculously over-sized clothes Johnny had provided for him. Add shopping to the list, he thought to himself.

He looked at himself once more in the mirror, shook his head, and walked into the living room. Rhi, Johnny, Mika and David were all crowded onto the couch, leaving the loveseat opposite free for him to sit. He sat down with a sigh and closed his eyes.

"So…was it Torchwood?" Ianto asked as his eyes shot open.

"Torchwood?" Rhi looked confused.

"Ya, Torchwood. Uh…Jack and Gwen, did they bring me back? Was it the Resurrection Gauntlet? Oh God, you have no idea what I'm talking about. Right." His face fell as he remembered they would have no idea what he was talking about.

"Uh, well, Gwen's kept in touch with us. She's working for the Police now, got a desk job while she's pregnant. Four months along now!"

"Jack?"

Johnny cut in. "Ah, miss your boyfriend?" There was the old Johnny. Rhi pounded her fist onto Johnny's knee and he winced. "Sorry, couldn't help myself. Ya, Gwen told us he went back to America."

Ianto's face fell again, but he pulled himself together for Rhi. "I see. I need to talk to Gwen."

Johnny reached for the phone, and punched in numbers before he caught Ianto's frantic look or registered Rhiannon's rather violent request for him to stop. The phone started ringing, and he looked around in a panic. "Give me the phone, ya daft man." Rhi reached out and held the phone to hear ear just as Gwen picked up the phone.

"Rhi? Is something wrong?" Gwen's voice sounded worried.

"No, should there be?"

"Uh, well, I just got a call from…well, I'm not sure how to say this."

Rhi paused for a moment and then something clicked. "Oh, let me guess. Bodysnatchers stole my brother's body? Gwen, you'd best come over here straight away."

Silence followed, but after a few seconds there was a quick, "On my way," followed by a click.

TW

_So, he had a family. That didn't change anything. It had to be done. A life was destroyed to save lives. Oh God, how was he different? He'd done this, done this thing to a man with a family. He wasn't any different. Please, please let it be worth it._

TW

Gwen walked up to the porch, not sure what she'd find inside. Her hand strayed down and felt the bulge. She'd started to show. She'd received a phone call this morning from the Graveyard. Grave robbers, the bastards. Of course they'd called his family first. That's how Rhiannon had known. Oh God, what would she find inside? Rhi had been so broken-hearted, so lost when she'd found out about Ianto's death. Would this send her over the edge? Would Johnny be able to pull her back? She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. This was going to be hard.

The door opened and she found a smiling Rhi on the other side. Oh no, she's lost it, Gwen thought to herself. "Rhi, I know this is hard, but I promise, I'll find whoever did this. Andy's already working on it, and we'll sort this out. You won't have to." Rhiannon cut her off with a hug. Gwen felt a lump forming in her throat and she wanted to scream. She was tired of being the one left behind, cleaning up the mess. She tried to speak again but Rhi cut her off again.

"Gwen, I have good news. I don't know how to say it, so I'll just have to show you." With that, she grabbed hold of Gwen's hand and pulled her inside. The door swung shut, and Gwen was led into the living room. There, sitting on the couch, was Ianto. He stood up slowly and walked towards her, careful not to make any sudden movements. He glanced down at her stomach and let out a crooked smile.

"It suits you," he said simply, and before anyone could utter another word Gwen was rushing towards him, pulling him close. He couldn't be strong any more. Here was Gwen, part of his world that had been ripped away. She'd carried on with her life, like he knew she would, and he lost it. His knees hit the floor and he kept his arms tight around her. The tears streaming down his face were absorbed by the soft cotton of her shirt as he buried his face in her embrace, sobs breaking him down. He'd let one out and now he couldn't stop, he couldn't control it. He let go.

Gwen held him gently as he let it all out, her mind filled with questions that would have to wait. Right now he needed her to just be there. Johnny and the children filed out of the room quietly, and Rhi just sat on the couch with a big goofy grin on her face. After a few minutes, the sobs subsided and he rocked back on his heels to stand. His hands found his face and he wiped away the tears, letting a smile spread across his face. Gwen put her hands around his face and one question made its way to the surface. "How?"

He took a ragged breath and closed his eyes. "I don't know."

"Do you know who took you? Do you remember? How did they bring you back?"

"Who?"

She stammered and looked down, dropping her hands to her side. "The…the grave robbers."

He took a step back and turned to sit beside his sister, holding her hand tight in his. She gave it a squeeze, letting him know she was there for him. "There was no one. I woke up in…" another deep breath, "in a casket. I had to dig my way out."

"Oh God." It was all that Gwen could muster. What he must've gone through was beyond her. "So, do you have any idea why? Or how?" He shook his head. "Could it have been Jack?" She regretted it the moment she said it. Pain flew across his face, and he wasn't able to hide it for a few seconds.

"I don't think so. Even if he could, he wouldn't have brought me back, not like that."

"Right, of course not. I should've thought." She threw an apologetic look his way and he forgave her with a gentle smile.

Ianto looked like he wanted to ask her something, but he took a sideways glance at Rhi and shut his mouth. "Alright, alright, I can take a bloody hint! I'll go make us some tea."

When she was out of the room, Gwen sat across from Ianto. "Gwen, Rhiannon said Jack went back to America."

Gwen sighed. "He left us, Ianto. Last time I saw him he was on a hill. A ship picked him up and carried him away. I'm sorry, but I have no idea how to reach him."

"And Torchwood? Why wasn't I…buried…there."

"Yeah, Torchwood. Well, they've rebuilt the place, but I was the only one left, and I couldn't do it any more. I'm back working with the police now. I was all alone, Ianto. And, well, I couldn't do it to Rhi and Johnny. I couldn't lock you up in an abandoned shell and leave you there. I thought it would be better for your sister if she could visit you. Uh, I hope that was okay."

A smile spread across his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Not too many times you get to ask that question. 'So, you okay with how we buried you?'" Gwen looked down and Ianto continued. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I…I think you made the right choice."

They sat there silently for a few minutes, and finally Gwen broke the silence. "So what now?"

Ianto's face looked like it held so many emotions. He looked broken-hearted, exuberant, frightened, over-joyed, all at the same time. He stood up quickly and turned to face her, his eyes beaming with purpose. "Now, Gwen Cooper, we find Jack."


	4. Chapter 4: Searching

_I don't own Torchwood or its characters._

_Alright, you caught me. I got a review saying that if Jack had already left, Gwen would be much further along than four months. Let me explain. I hate it when it's the end of a movie or episode, and it says: "Six Months Later" or something. In my eyes, if Jack was going to leave, he wouldn't wait around for six months trying to make up his mind. So, I know this may confuse people, but just pretend the scene on the hill happened like…2 days after CoE, and pretend Gwen was her usual slender self. My apologies, and I'm not sure what I was thinking, imagining no one would notice. :P And thanks very much for the review! Way to put me in my place! :D _

TW

The door rolled open and they hesitated. Gwen hadn't stepped foot inside Torchwood since it had been destroyed by the bomb. A gentle touch on her elbow reminded her why they were here. Ianto stepped inside first, followed quickly by a wide-eyed Gwen. "It's exactly the same!" she gasped. Ianto smiled at her.

"Who rebuilt it?"

"Unit, well, Martha Jones to be precise. She came to see me when it was finished. Said I could activate it any time I'd like. I never expected to come back, to be honest. I was surprised at how quickly she got it finished. Three months time and she told me it was done."

A door opened behind them and a woman stepped into the room. "Oh my God! Lois! What are you doing here?" Gwen stepped back towards her and gave her a hug.

"I called her in," Ianto said, looking down, slightly embarrassed. "Thought we could use all the help we could get."

"No! It's perfect, it really is." Gwen gave Lois her most welcoming smile and led her down into the Hub.

Lois seemed overwhelmed. "I'm still not sure why I came. You're supposed to be dead, anyway! Would you mind telling me what's going on?"

Ianto cleared his throat. "Ya, still trying to figure that one out. Gwen, would you mind starting off with a Medical scan? Just…to be sure?"

Gwen walked up to him and stood directly in front of him, peering closely into his eyes. "It's not necessary, Ianto. You're you, I'm sure of it. But knowing you, you won't be completely convinced without it. Come on, then."

The scanner beeped slowly, going over every cell in his body. The all-clear signal came across the screen, and Ianto breathed a sigh of relief. "See? I told ya so! Silly man. Now let's see what we can do about finding your boyfriend." She smiled and was followed by Ianto and Lois into the central area of the Hub.

"So, where exactly do we start looking?" Lois still seemed overwhelmed as she stared at the blank computer screen in front of her. "You told me he went…off in a spaceship. Sounds so strange, sorry. Uh, does your equipment cover, well, everywhere?"

"No," Gwen huffed. "I've got no idea where to start or even how. Maybe we could get a signal off to him? Even if we could, I'm not sure he'd pay attention to be honest." Ianto raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his nearly tailored vest. They'd spent all yesterday clearing his things out of the Torchwood Holding Facility, and moving them back to his apartment. It had broke his heart a little, seeing all his things, memories of Jack, stored away like that. "Ianto, he wasn't exactly himself when he left. He acted normally, but I could see something in his eyes. He was hurting, and I'm not sure if he wants to be reminded of anything here." Ianto thought back to his last words to Jack. The memory was still fuzzy, but he remembered asking Jack not to forget him. Selfish of him, so stupid and selfish. Jack should've forgotten him, it would make things so much easier for him. Ianto always had felt sorry for Jack. Being immortal wasn't all it was cracked up to be, he could see it in Jack's face every time he held him in his arms while he was brought back to life. Jack managed to cover it up well, but Ianto could sometimes see a flash of disappointment in his eyes before he could pull up his usual bravado exterior. Disappointment that he hadn't stayed dead. He closed his eyes and it all flooded back, his last conversation with Jack. He hated himself for it. _A thousand years time? You won't remember me_. How could he say that to Jack? How could Ianto leave him? Jack had begged. _Ianto, don't go. Don't leave me, please. Please don't_. He needed to find him. To find him and spend the rest of his life with that man, even if it was minute when compared to Jack's. A tear rolled down his cheek and he opened his eyes, remembering that he wasn't alone.

He wiped the tears off his face and let out one of his crooked smiles. "Sorry." Lois shifted awkwardly, but Gwen punched him in the shoulder gently.

"My fault, I shouldn't have said that. It came out wrong. Once he knows you're alive, he's going to come back to us."

Lois let out a little laugh. "Apparently you were the glue that held them all together." Ianto looked embarrassed, and Gwen nodded her head in agreement, winking at Lois.

"Alright," Gwen said authoritatively, "let's get to work."

TW

_He breathed a sigh of relief. He was looking. He just hoped that this man he'd brought back would find him in time, find him and stop him. He was the only one who could now. Stepping into the future and having it fall out from beneath your feet, that was something hard to forget. Something that had to be stopped. And this man needed to stop it. He just hoped the price wouldn't drive him mad. This little family of misfits had already been through too much, and he had just dropped another brick onto their breaking backs._

TW

Ianto sat at Jack's desk, going over every inch of it with his eyes. It looked exactly the same, but he knew it was different. Jack had never actually sat at this particular desk, he'd never walked around in this Hub. Owen and Tosh had never worked at the two abandoned stations downstairs. It was all the same, but it was different. He couldn't feel Jack here. There were no lingering smells (Oh, those pheromones…), no random pieces of junk left behind to show that the space belonged to someone. Just a big, empty desk. He heard a knock on the door and looked up to find Gwen leaning on the door frame, her hands resting gently on her bulging stomach.

"It's been a week," Ianto said, despair creeping into his voice despite himself.

"We're still looking. Maybe if we found someone who would know how to send a signal to his wrist thingy."

"I'll post an add."

"Ianto, don't. We're trying. Lois has hardly left the place, and I'm fairly sure you haven't left yet. Sleeping in Jack's room?"

Ianto shifted uncomfortably.

"Thought so. Ianto, this is going to take a while from the looks of things, and it does you no good to sit around here twenty four hours a day. Come and have supper with Rhys and I."

"I already ordered takeout."

"Fine, but you're coming to eat with us tomorrow evening, is that understood?"

Ianto nodded sulkily. "Sorry, Gwen. I just hoped we'd find him quickly."

"I know. Just give it time. And you know that wherever he is, he's thinking of you."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "I'm not a baby, Gwen. You don't need to practice your mothering skills on me." She shot him a look and turned to head back downstairs.

_Wherever he is, he's thinking of you_. And then it hit him. _Wherever he is, he's thinking of you_. When Lisa had died, and he was so miserable and alone, he hadn't run away. He'd found every single spot that reminded him of her. Favorite restaurants, favorite movies, favorite everything. It made him hurt even more, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. He knew Jack. He knew where he was. Jack had never left.

"Gwen!" he almost screamed as he dashed down the stairs. "Gwen, have you checked Earth? We've been so focused on trying to communicate with other planets, we've forgotten about us! I know Jack, and I don't think he's left.

"I saw him get beamed up. I'm sorry, but he left." Pity shown through her eyes, but Ianto ignored it.

"That beam goes both ways, you know. I know Jack. He's still here. It was all just a ruse to make you think he'd left, to stop you from looking for him. Do we have the Mass Facial Recognition Program that Tosh set up? Could we interface it with the City Cameras?"

Gwen looked confused, so he dashed to the nearest station and began madly typing away. Lois came over and realized what he was doing. She sat at the computer next to him and helped as best as she could.

"Alright, now we just wait." Ianto stood back up and crossed his arms in front of him, the way he always did when he was waiting for something. His eyes were glued to the screen. Fifteen minutes passed and Gwen got up to stand beside him. She placed her hand on his arm.

"Ianto, maybe you should take a break." He glanced at her quickly and was disappointed. She didn't believe him. She didn't think Jack stayed. He shook his head and returned his eyes to the computer screen, taking a step back as Jack's face lit up the screen. "Match Found" read out in big red letters across the screen.

Gwen's jaw dropped in disbelief, and Lois let out a gleeful little squeal.

TW

_So, hopefully you're still enjoying! Please review and let me know what you think. As I said in my Prologue, I don't write fan fiction very often, so please forgive me if it's rough. I usually write more…action packed stories, so I'm afraid I'm not very good at conveying emotion correctly yet._

_Now that I've said that, please don't hate me because of the next Chapter. I might not be able to finish it up tonight, but…just don't hate me. Rating will be changed to M, but I don't think it's necessary. Just staying on the safe side._


	5. Chapter 5: Losing

_Still don't own Torchwood, still don't own its characters._

_Hello! Hope you enjoy this chapter. It was brought to my attention that Gwen isn't very Gwen-like. Ha ha, so true. I've got a confession to make. I really really hate Gwen. If I'd written her the way I see her, she'd be completely…wrong for the story. So, I decided to swallow my hated of her and make her nice. So, I may have overdone it a little and I apologize. _

_I'd also like to say, thanks so much for the reviews! Keep them coming, they certainly keep me motivated. Thanks!_

_Oh, rating is changed to M. As I said last chapter, I don't think it's necessary, I'm just playing it safe. Don't continue reading if you still can't watch R-rated movies._

TW

Ianto sat in the car, still in shock. Gwen was behind the wheel and Lois's voice drifted over their earpieces. "Alright, I think you're about twenty minutes from the building he went into. Just keep on this road until I say." Gwen responded and glanced over at Ianto. Her mouth opened like she wanted to say something, but she closed it and kept her eyes on the road.

All the old memories started to come back. Memories that filled him with fear. "In your said, wet dreams, you may be his part-time shag, maybe." Owen's voice bored into him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He loves me, he thought to himself. Then he remembered the time, standing in front of the computer screen, he'd commented that Gwen had referred to them as a couple. Jack's response tore into him now and he felt his chest tighten. "I hate that word." All those times, those wonderful times that people had assumed they were together, and Jack had hated it. The thousand little insecurities bubbled to the surface. Jack had never been to Ianto's apartment, they'd always stayed at the hub, cold and impersonal. They'd only been on a couple of dates. Actual, true dates where they went out to dinner and held hands under the table. Most of their relationship consisted of deep moans, sounds of pleasure, coming from the pitch black of Jack's office. They'd always waited until the last person went home for the night, then…Ianto sighed as he remembered. It was amazing. But Jack had never once said those words. Those words that most relationships revolved around and relied upon. Ianto's breath caught as he remembered Jack holding him in his arms, tears streaming down his face, the 456 cage looming in front of them. Ianto hadn't been able to help himself. "I love you," he'd said, unable to reign in the terror showing on his face. Even then, Jack hadn't said it. Fear took hold of Ianto and shook his resolve.

"Gwen, I can't do this."

Her foot hit the breaks and she pulled the SUV over. "Why? What's wrong?" She turned so her body was facing him, and reached out to take his hand.

"He…I, I can't. What if he's moved on? He never said them, those words. We weren't like you and Rhys." He closed his eyes and a tear made its way down his cheek. "Maybe Owen was right. Part-time shag." He started as he felt a slap tear into his cheek. His eyes opened quickly and he looked at Gwen in shock.

"Now you listen to me, Ianto Jones. Owen was wrong. The two of you were amazing, even if Jack could never say it. You didn't see it, the look on his face when he woke on the cold floor. When he saw you lying beside him, knowing you weren't coming back. Ianto, the look on his face spoke all those words he's never said to you. Do you trust me?" Ianto looked into her eyes and nodded. "Alright, then I swear, he loves you. We're going to find him. Now stop being an insecure idiot and help me watch for the road we're turning on."

Ianto half smiled, and he watched the street signs pass by. Lois's voice crackled over the radio, "Should be coming up soon." Ianto caught sight of the street and pointed it out. They turned onto it, and the tension started building in Ianto's stomach once again. Butterflies. He almost laughed out loud, right then and there. They pulled up in front of the building they'd seen him enter, and both got out of the car. Gwen touched Ianto's arm and he turned to face her.

"Look, I'm going to stay here. If you need me, I'll be a phone call away." Ianto looked unsure and she continued. "Ianto, whatever happens in there, I doubt I'm going to want to see it. Just…call me when it's safe to come up." He nodded and turned towards the building. He stopped, looking up at it. It was a fairly small building. Ten apartments at the most. Lois had pin-pointed Jack's location to the top floor. He felt a shove from behind him and glanced back at Gwen as he walked forward. She gave him an encouraging wink. Ianto's fears built up inside him with every step he took. "I can do this," he whispered to himself.

TW

_God forgive him. He'd tried another way. He'd tried every way he could think of, but this was the only course that changed anything. He watched as Ianto walked towards the building, realizing that this was soon to be the worst day of this young man's life. Which was saying a lot, really. Please, please, forgive me._

TW

Ianto's eyes flew open as the elevator doors opened. He walked forward mechanically, a lump rising in his throat, and the butterflies tearing apart his stomach. The top floor appeared to house only one flat, and the door was only a few feet away. Ianto placed his forehead on the door and rested his hand on the door knob. Whatever happened, Jack had some feelings for him. Even if they weren't as strong as his own, he knew in his heart that Jack would take him back. Even if it was just for the glorious sex. Ianto decided that he would take what he could get. His hand reached up towards the buzzer, fear leaving his face and determination taking its place. He heard the loud ring inside. But there was another sound, a sound that chilled him, replacing all that fear he'd pushed aside. He backed up slowly, reaching towards the elevator call button. He pressed it over and over, willing the elevator to come back up and take him away. The sound followed him, gripping his heart and squeezing. There was laughing coming from the flat. Laughter of a man and woman, laughter like there had been in Jack's office all those times. Ianto kicked the elevator door and turned as he heard the door to the flat opening. A woman stood in front of him, a smile on her face, wearing nothing but one of Jack's shirts, a few buttons holding the front closed.

"Can I help you, love?" She looked at him sweetly, and grabbed hold of the hand that reached around her waist from behind the door. Ianto couldn't even speak, he shook his head as he mashed on the elevator button some more, blinking back the tears that had started to make their way to his eyes. Then he heard it, heard his voice.

"Come back, I wasn't finished yet." Ianto gasped and took a step forward. To Gwen or Lois, that voice would've sounded normal. They wouldn't have imagined anything was wrong. But to him, the man who'd memorized every single voice pattern, every laugh, every expression on Jack's face, the voice sounded wrong. He could read something behind it: pain, fear, loneliness, and…God, how to describe it. Anger mixed with fear, fear mixed with terror, terror mixed with…every emotion mixed together. A mix of feelings that would drive anyone insane. And that's what he'd heard in Jack's voice. Someone who was no longer sane. Someone who'd given up so entirely, that nothing mattered. Nothing was real.

Ianto took a few quick steps forward and shoved the door open as the woman shut it behind her. He vaguely heard protestations coming from behind him as he followed Jack's turned figure into the next room. The smells that hit his nostrils sent a wave of panic through him. Alcohol, open bottles and half empty ones, mixed together and strewn everywhere. The curtains were drawn tight, barely allowing any light through. The entire flat reeked of something else. Sex, lots and lots of it. He turned the corner and stopped. There in front of him, was another woman, lying naked on the bed. Her arms were covered in bruises, and blood trickled down her chin from a split lip. She caught sight of Ianto and smiled, beckoning him over, her eyes vacant with drugs. Jack ignored her movement and flung himself on the bed beside her, closing his eyes, and calling again for the woman who was now standing behind Ianto.

"Jack." It was almost a whisper, but Jack had heard it. Ianto stood there waiting, not sure what to do. This wasn't Jack. He was doing the exact opposite of what Ianto had wanted for him. It was all his fault. He'd asked Jack to remember. And look where remembering had brought Jack. Oh God, it was all his fault. Ianto took a step forward and Jack's eyes flew open, locking onto Ianto's face. Ianto saw recognition in his eyes, then pain. A pain so deep, it overwhelmed him and froze him in place. He tried to say his name again, but nothing came out. He stood there, staring at his Jack, staring at what he'd become. He watched the emotions reading out across Jack's face. Pain morphed into terror, and terror morphed into anger. With a few quick movements, Jack was standing in front of Ianto, gripping his jacket and pushing him back against the wall. Ianto could smell the alcohol rolling off Jack's breath, could feel the drugs coursing through his veins. Ianto cried out as he was smashed into the wall, over and over. Jack was screaming at him, "Who the hell are you!" Ianto gasped for air, desperate to make Jack hear his voice, but Jack picked him up and before he knew what was happening, Ianto was lying on the floor, Jack on top of him, his hands gripping tightly across his throat. He vaguely heard the women scrambling towards the door, pulling on clothes as they went. He mouthed the words, "Jack, Stop," but no sound came out. Ianto slammed his fists into the floor, trying to wriggle free of Jack's grip. He could see his eyes, and was scared. Jack had never scared him before, not like this. All recognition had left Jack's face, and now all he could see was anger, anger and pain. "Who the hell are you!" Jack shouted again and let go of Ianto's neck. Ianto breathed in raggedly, trying to catch his breath so he could speak. Lying there gasping for air, he didn't notice until it was too late to dodge. Jack's fist descended, landing a blow directly onto Ianto's exposed face. Before he knew what was happening, Ianto felt blow after blow, coming faster and faster, harder and harder. He scrambled to throw his arms up to shield himself, but Jack grabbed his wrists and held them above his head.

"Jack, stop," Ianto managed to get out, blood pouring down his face from a cut over his temple.

A frenzy took over Jack, and Ianto saw nothing but an insane anger inside him. "Do you want to be him?" he screamed. "Do you?" Ianto gasped and struggled as Jack's free hand worked its way down his chest, passing his stomach. Further. Ianto let out a choked sob. "Jack, please. It's me. Don't." The hand stopped and Ianto froze. He could see anger building up inside Jack, uncontrollable anger. "You're not him! He's dead, I killed him! Do you WANT to be him?" Jack's voice sent a chill down Ianto's spine. Before he could respond or get free, Jack rolled him over and started ripping at his clothes. Ianto started to beg, but before he could finish his first word, Jack slammed his face into the floor. Ianto watched the floor as the blood pouring from his broken nose pooled beneath him. He tried to block it out, tried to understand what Jack was doing. He noticed the tears pooling with the blood. He hadn't even realized that he'd started crying. Ianto cried out as Jack succeeded and he felt the cold air against his skin.

"Jack! Stop!" he yelled with all the authority he could muster. He struggled to turn himself back over, crying out in pain as Jack stood and kicked him. Kicked him over and over, words Ianto couldn't understand pouring from his mouth. Ianto lost count of how many times he'd flinched as Jack's boot made contact with him. Ianto's shirt was covered in blood now, rips covering his clothes. Ianto reached down towards his belt, trying to re-fasten what Jack had undone. Jack's kick caught him in the wrist and he pulled it under him, crying out as the broken bones ground against one another. "Jack, it's me." It came out in barely a whisper, spoken through clenched teeth. Blood trailed from his mouth and he took a second to spit it out.

The blows had stopped, and no sound was coming from Jack. Ianto pushed himself off the ground with his good hand and knelt. He looked over at Jack, and saw the man he loved, staring at him, broken. His eyes held some of the Jack he knew in them and he turned toward him, still kneeling, and reached up to touch him. Jack jerked back, and Ianto despaired as all that was Jack drained from his eyes. "You're not him. You never will be." Jack's boot caught Ianto in the stomach, and he hunched over, both arms trying to protect his body. Ianto could hear words pouring from Jack as he knelt behind him. He could hear a buckle being undone. "My fault." A zipper. "Mine." Ianto pulled himself forward, struggling to get out of the room. He heard a laugh behind him, broken and miserable. "You want to play?" Jack's voice held nothing any more but hatred. Jack flipped him over, face up, and laid on top of him, breathing warm breath onto Ianto's neck. "I'll show you what I did to him," he whispered and bit Ianto's ear. Ianto cried out again as Jack's teeth gnashed together and he felt his earlobe ripping. Jack's large hand reached down and felt along Ianto's broken body. Ianto closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears that were stinging his eyes.

A sob escaped his lips. "Jack, I love you." Jack's hand stopped and he moved both hands towards Ianto's neck. Ianto struggled weakly as the hands gripped tighter and tighter, Jack's voice mumbling unintelligibly into his ear. The world started going black. With his last breath, he managed one last sentence. "I'm sorry."

TW

_Alright, this chapter was difficult to write, so I apologize that it took me all day. Feel free to yell at me in reviews. As I said last chapter, I'm really really sorry for this chapter. _


	6. Chapter 6: Breaking

_I don't own Torchwood or its characters._

TW

Gwen leaned on the car. Waiting patiently had never been one of her strong suits. Ianto had only been gone ten minutes, but she kept glancing at her watch. She sighed and climbed into the SUV to sit. It might be a while, she thought to herself, then smiled at the reunion taking place upstairs. At least there were still miracles. Her thoughts were interrupted by two women, barely dressed, running out of the building full speed. One of them appeared to be injured, she had blood dripping from her mouth. Without any thought, Gwen hopped out of the vehicle and flagged them down. "Oi! I'm with the Police. What's happened, are you alright?" She dug in her bag and pulled out her first aid kit, directing them to sit on a bench a few feet away. The women just stared at her as she wiped away the blood and applied a bandage to the injured woman's face. "What happened?"

The women glanced at each other. The un-injured one spoke up first. "Well, we were…entertaining someone." Gwen straightened and crossed her arms. Frowning, she raised her eyebrow and the woman continued. "Yeah, well this guy knocks on the door, and the gentleman we were entertaining lost it. He's usually rough, but…I think he's going to kill him."

Gwen's mouth dropped open. "Wait, what? Top floor?" The woman nodded. "Wait, so…I don't understand!" She glanced toward the building and decided she didn't need to understand. She started running, one hand reaching down towards her stomach, the other pulling a gun from her holster. She tore the door open and mashed on the elevator button. "Hurry up!" she yelled and kicked the elevator door. "Ow!"

After what seemed like ages the doors finally opened and she entered, pounding her fist against the button for the top floor. She put both her hands on the gun, steadying herself. She didn't know what was going on, but she wanted to be prepared. Different scenarios ran through her head. Some intruder? Had Ianto come back wrong? She pushed that thought away as soon as it entered her mind. No, it's Ianto, she told herself. The elevator door opened and she headed toward the still-open door to the flat. She sweeped the first room, gun pointing straight ahead. A noise came from a room to the left, and she headed towards it, eyes trying to adjust to the gloom. She heard another noise, someone sobbing. She turned the corner, and dropped her gun, frozen at the sight.

Ianto was lying on the floor, covered with blood, mauled almost beyond recognition. He didn't move when she called his name. She heard a rustle in the corner, and then she saw him. Jack was sitting in the corner, tears streaming down his face, arms pulling his legs into his chest. "Oh my God," was all she managed to get out before she found herself rushing to Ianto's side. She touched him gingerly and whispered his name. Still no movement. She reached towards his neck and felt for a pulse. Nothing. She let the breath out that she'd been holding, and looked at Jack again. Before she knew what was happening, she was flying at him, smacking him with her fists. "Jack! Jack, what did you do! WHAT DID YOU DO!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and he looked at her.

"It's not him." He looked so broken that if she'd been in control of herself she might've felt sorry for him.

"Jack, you bastard! It WAS him! He came back, it was a miracle! You…you…" She sat down and let her arms fall to her side. She was defeated. She couldn't do it any more. She'd allowed herself to believe that miracles could happen, that maybe, just maybe, something good could happen. Her eyes closed, and she screamed. It was a bone-chilling scream, filled with despair and grief. She couldn't stop screaming.

Lois's voice came over the earpiece. "Gwen, what's going on?"

TW

_I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. If there was any other way. And he cried, unable to control himself any more. He'd done this. He'd brought him back, knowing what would happen._

TW

Gwen sat staring on the couch. They were back at the Hub. Lois had arrived as quickly as she could. She'd managed to get Gwen coherent enough to help her with the body. Jack was so out of it, she only had to lead him into the back seat of the SUV. Gwen had crawled obediently into the passenger seat. The body…Oh God, the body…was lying in the back. Lois still didn't know what had happened. All Gwen could manage to say had been, "He killed him."

Lois had laid the body out on the table in the Medical Station. Jack had followed her, eyes dead. He sat in a chair beside the table, gripping Ianto's hand. She picked up the phone. "Hello, Miss Jones? This is Lois Abeeba. We've never met, but I work at Torchwood." She faltered. "Could you help me? We need help. It's Jack."

Martha had no idea what was happening, but she gave a short reply in the affirmative and hung up. She could be there in a half hour.

TW

Jack sat in the cold, steel chair, gripping Ianto's hand. He was slowly remembering who he was. He tried not to, but Ianto's broken and battered face forced it all back. How could he have done this? He was a murderer, he'd murdered people that he loved. His grandson, Ianto. All the people that he'd killed for Torchwood over the years. He'd lost all his humanity. The boy that had played in the sand with Gray was gone. He was a monster now. The Doctor would come for him. He'd lock him up forever. And he deserved it. When the time came, he wouldn't fight. He'd accept his fate without a struggle, he'd welcome it.

He looked up as Martha Jones rushed down the stairs, followed closely by Lois and a teary-eyed Gwen. "What happened?" Martha asked, glancing at Jack and pulling her flashlight out. She flashed it in his eyes, one after the other. "Jack? Are you with me?"

"Martha, stay away. I killed him, I'm not safe. The Doctor will come for me, he has to. He'll punish me."

Martha took his face in her hands. "The Doctor doesn't do that. If he comes, it'll be to help, not punish."

Jack turned his eyes away and locked them onto Ianto. "I want to die. Why can't I die?" The defeat and despair in his voice brought tears to Martha's eyes.

"Jack, it wasn't you. You weren't yourself."

"I should've been."

"You weren't."

Jack stood slowly and leaned over the table. "Ianto, I'm so sorry. I've failed you in every way possible. I shouldn't have let you come with me to confront 456. I should've told you every day that I love you. I shouldn't have been so afraid to get close. I broke my promise. I did everything I could to forget you." He leaned down and kissed his lips gently. Some of the blood transferred to his lips, and he wiped it off quickly.

Martha started. It was impossible. The blood that had transferred to Jack had cleared a small patch of skin. Un-bruised, clear skin. "Jack!" she called out, but it was too late.

TW

_Ha ha, guess what happens next? I meant to write more, but it's getting late and I've got work in the morning. Blek. Please review! Any guesses on whose thoughts are in Italics randomly throughout the story?_


	7. Chapter 7: Finding

_Hello again! Thanks so much for the reviews! I tried to respond to everyone, but I apologize if I missed anyone. Oh, and sorry about bringing Ianto back just to kill him again. Hopefully this chapter cheers everybody up a bit._

_Still don't own Torchwood or its characters. *sigh*_

TW

Ianto's eyes flew open and he convulsed, sucking air into his empty lungs, gasping at the pain. Thrashing out, he tried to move, to get away. He felt arms holding him down and heard Martha's voice whispering in his ear. "Ianto, Ianto, it's alright. We're here. It's okay." His body still shook, but he managed to make eye contact with her.

"What happened?" He was trying to remember. Martha stammered, not sure what to say. Ianto felt a hand in his, stiff and unmoving. He gripped it tightly and looked to his side. Jack. It all came back then. Jack straddling him, pounding the life out of him, screaming incoherently. Ianto remembered as Jack had tried to…he pushed the memory away. But he could still remember what it felt like, the fear, the horror at what Jack was trying to do to him. His hands, those hands he loved, moving over his body without permission. Those warm, sweet hands, wrapping around his throat, forcing all the breath from his body. Before he could stop himself, he jerked his hand away, regretting it the moment he did it. Jack looked at him, dried tears staining his face. "Wait, Jack," but it was too late. Jack was out of the room two seconds later and Ianto could hear him crashing up to his office. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the table. And then it hit him. He was lying on the autopsy table. "What? Why am I here?" He walked over to the closest mirror, wiping the blood from his face with his tattered sleeve. "I'm okay. I don't understand." He turned and looked at Martha.

Gwen and Lois had seen Jack flee to his office. They shared a look and rushed to the Autopsy room. There, facing Martha Jones, was Ianto. Gwen didn't hesitate, she rushed down the stairs and threw her arms around him, smothering his cheeks and forehead with kisses. "Ianto! How? You were dead. Again…" Soon all three were looking at Martha. She beckoned Ianto to return to the table and she examined him carefully.

"He seems perfectly fine. It's not possible!" A shadow crossed her face as a thought ran through her mind.

Ianto saw it. "What?"

"It's just…when you came back. The way you came back. Did it remind you of anyone?"

"No, that's not possible. He's a fluke. He told me. He said that he was the only one who would ever be like that."

Gwen cut in. "What? Are you saying you're the same as Jack? That's not even possible. Jack comes back right away. It took you four months! It's not the same thing."

Martha looked down at her shoes. "I assume Jack never told you how he became…the way he is."

Ianto was silent, and Gwen stepped closer. "No, we all just assumed he was born that way. That's right, isn't it? He's always been this way."

Martha shook her head. "No, there was something that turned him into this. Something that should've never happened, and should never've happened again. No," she shook her head in disbelief. "He wouldn't do that."

"Who?" Gwen nearly screamed.

TW

_Ah, Martha Jones. Always the smart one, figuring things out before anyone else. "I suppose it's time," he said to himself and reached out, turning knobs and flipping switches._

TW

Jack heard it first. The grinding, whirling, completely indescribable noise that only one machine in the universe could ever make. So he's come for me, he thought. He stayed sitting at his desk, still trying to figure out what had happened. His Ianto was downstairs, alive and well. Had it all been a nightmare? Or was this a nightmare. Had he finally lost his mind? He picked up the picture on his desk. Tosh had snapped a picture of them at Gwen's wedding, dancing quietly to the music. He took the picture and stuffed it into his pocket, gathering courage. He stood up mechanically, walking over to the window. He looked down and saw the Tardis. A big blue police box sitting in the middle of the Hub. There was a man standing in front of it, halfway out of the door. He was holding his hand out. Jack didn't recognize him. A reincarnation he hadn't met yet. The Doctor looked up at Jack, his young face holding eyes that spoke of age, so much age. Jack's eyes wandered back to the Doctor's extended hand as another hand joined it. Ianto placed his hand gently into the Doctor's and was directed inside the Tardis. The Doctor glanced up once more at Jack. His voice carried throughout the entire Hub. "I'm sorry, Jack."

TW

_Sorry my chapters are short. As I said, I don't write fan fiction very often, so most of my stuff is short and to the point. :P Hope you enjoyed!_


	8. Chapter 8: Lost

_Wow, I'd like to take a second to thank everyone. I've never received so many reviews for a story before! This is my first Torchwood fic, and I greatly appreciate all the reviews. Thank you so much!_

_I don't own Torchwood or its characters. If I did…well…Ianto never would've gone in to face 456. So, I really honestly SHOULD own Torchwood. But I don't. Oh well…hmph._

TW

Lois sat at her workstation, punching in numbers. Rift activity had been off the charts the past couple of days. Jack and Martha had spent most of their time in the field, leaving Lois to monitor activity and direct them towards their next target. Lois hadn't known Jack very well. She'd never even met him until a few months ago. But even she could tell that he wasn't himself. He was a broken, shell of a man now. Walking into death blindly, not caring that he could've avoided half the deaths he'd been through. He was careful never to put Martha in danger, but he didn't even try to avoid bullets or teeth. He let them rip into him, the pain not even showing in his eyes. Ianto had stepped into the Tardis three months ago, and there was no word from him or the Doctor. When he'd first left, Jack had screamed profanities at the empty spot where the Tardis had been. Then he'd begged, begged for them to come back. Next came the anger, the promises to kill the Doctor for what he'd done to Ianto. "You said I was wrong! How could you do this to him? I'd rather see him dead!" he'd shrieked. Martha and Gwen had tried to calm him down, but he'd only stopped hours later when exhaustion and dehydration had made him fall to the floor. The three women had pulled him up to the submarine-like barracks below his office, covering him with blankets. Martha had left a kiss on his forehead, and the three of them left him there, praying he'd wake up as Jack, not…whoever he'd been before.

The next morning, Lois had come in early to check on him. She walked into his office and found him silently sitting at his desk, filling out paperwork. "Hello, Captain, I'm not sure if you remember me. I'm Lois, Lois Abiba." His eyes had lifted towards her vacantly.

"Nice to finally meet you." But there was no emotion in those words, just a phrase he knew he should say, because it's what people said.

It had been like that ever since, Jack barking out orders to them, none of them courageous enough to do much about it. They fell into the routine, only questioning his orders when Gwen stood between them as a shield. He grew less and less like Jack, and more and more like…a boss. No feeling behind his words, no moments of relaxation with his team. Just orders, drifting down from his office. Martha was the only one who had been able to open him up a little. She worked on him slowly and carefully, happy if at least once a day, even once a week, she could bring back a tiny fragment of the old Jack. But then something would happen, some memory of Ianto would come back, and he would tear down all her work. But she would start over without complaining. Gwen only came into work a few days a week now. She was seven months along now, and Rhys had insisted that she take it easy.

Lois's speakers crackled and she heard Martha's voice. "Alright, I've got the Weavil. I'm on my way back to the hub." Soon Jack sent in a similar report and she sighed with relief when she saw that there was no more rift activity. Finally, some peace and quiet.

Then she heard it. That strange, indescribable sound. She shot out of her chair and went towards the stairs, staring at the area the odd blue box had stood three months ago. It slowly materialized in front of her and she saw the door swing open. Ianto stepped out, turning to look back at the man standing in the doorway. Ianto bent his head slightly, and the Doctor returned the gesture, hesitating before stepping back inside and closing the door. Soon the blue box had disappeared again and Ianto was left standing in the Hub, looking very lost and alone.

Lois cleared her throat. Ianto started when he realized he wasn't alone, and turned to face her, a mask covering whatever emotion was behind those eyes, a smile gracing his lips.

"How long have I been gone?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Three months," she answered simply, then descended the stairs as she heard the door rolling open and the alarms going off. "That'll be Martha. Jack shouldn't be far behind her."

"Ah. I'll put the coffee on."

TW

Jack pushed the Weavil towards the door. He wanted the day to be over with. Please don't let there be any more activity, he thought to himself. A shadow of a smile passed across his face, but he didn't let it stay. He didn't deserve to smile. He just had to carry on, knowing that he'd hurt the man he loved. Hurt him so much that the Doctor had taken him away. There was always a faint glimmer of hope, hope that Ianto would come back, but he pushed the feeling away. There wasn't any reason for him to come back. Jack had hurt him beyond belief. He remembered the slight look of fear and Ianto jerking his hand away from Jack's that night on the Autopsy table. He had damaged what they'd had. He'd broken every promise he'd ever made to Ianto, and he'd failed to promise the things he should've promised. Ianto wouldn't come back. There was no reason to.

The door rolled open in front of him and he pushed the Weavil through the hub and down towards the cell that had been prepared. A few minutes later he walked up into the Hub and stopped short. There, standing in front of him, was Ianto, holding a cup of coffee towards him. "Coffee, sir?" Jack froze, the breath catching in his throat. He remembered that day years ago, when he'd walked out of the Tourist Office and had run into Ianto, doing the exact same thing. Jack reached out gingerly and took the cup, sipping on it quickly and handing it back to Ianto.

"Mmmm." Was that all he could say? Jack wanted to slap himself. Ianto was standing in front of him, and all he could do was acknowledge that the coffee was excellent?

Ianto's face was covered by a mask, hiding all emotion, but Jack thought he saw a twinge of sadness break through. Jack started to step forward but stopped short as Ianto spoke. "Glad you enjoyed it, sir." Ianto turned around and headed towards the box of bin liners, pulling one out and proceeding to clear away the mess around the Hub. He wanted to kick himself. If he just hadn't said anything, he would be in Jack's arms right now. But instead, he was picking up garbage and Jack was moving unsteadily towards his office, grief written all over his usually confident exterior.

TW

Gwen walked into the conference room, puffing as she sat down awkwardly in a chair. Being pregnant certainly did make everything a thousand times more difficult. She'd gotten winded just walking up the stairs! She looked at the faces surrounding the table. Her eyes stopped on Jack's, seeing that there was something different about him. She saw insecurity, which even in his recent state, had never made its way to his face. She heard the door open and saw Ianto enter, carrying a tray of coffees and teas.

"Ianto!" she almost screamed and groaned as her attempt to stand up failed. He quickly set the tray down on the table and put his arms around her, kissing her on the forehead.

"Gwen, it's good to be back." He had avoided making eye contact with Jack, and Gwen had noticed. She felt the tension in the room but was unable to keep back the smile that came to her face. She kept grinning stupidly, watching Ianto pass out the teas, quickly placing a coffee in front of Jack. Lois's face lit up when she tasted hers.

"How did you know?" she asked, shocked as she tasted her favorite flavors, mixed together perfectly. Ianto only grinned, and Jack cut in. "It's his thing." More awkwardness followed, then Jack cleared his throat. "Alright, let's…start the meeting."

Lois proceeded to go over the progress she'd made with certain programs, Martha went over the discoveries they'd made about the alien artifacts that had come through the rift in the past week. Gwen just sat uncomfortably, her hand on her stomach, trying to find a position that didn't hurt her back. Once they had all finished their reports, there was a pause. Everyone but Jack looked at Ianto, and he cleared his throat.

"Yes, well, I suppose if anyone has any questions for me, I'll do my best to answer them." More silenced followed, but Gwen quickly broke it.

"Where the hell did you go?"

"With the Doctor. Lots of places." He glanced at Jack, who was staring at the pen in his hands.

"Thanks, that helps." Gwen looked put out.

Martha hesitated, then asked her question. "Are you staying?"

Another glance at Jack. "I suppose that depends on all of you. Do you want me to stay?" A flurry of affirmatives spread around the table, and Ianto stole another glance at Jack. Jack hadn't said anything. "Alright then. I suppose you DO need a Tea Boy. And a janitor, apparently." He looked around the messy office, raising his eyebrows. Laughter followed. Everyone but Jack seemed willing to loosen up.

The laughter died out and Ianto heard Jack whisper his question. "How long were you gone?" He looked up and made eye contact with Ianto for half a second, quickly looking away after.

Ianto cleared his throat. "Longer than three months."

Jack's fist slammed down on the table, and Ianto couldn't help but flinch. "How long?"

The words caught in his throat, but he managed to whisper them. "Two years." Lois looked confused, Gwen looked shocked, and Martha just nodded.

All hope drained from Jack. Two years. He wouldn't have stayed away for so long if there was still a chance for them. He just nodded and took a deep breath. "Ok, well, good to have you back. Does anyone have anything else?" He received silent stares from everyone at the table. "Alright. It's been a long day, everyone should go home." The three women cleared the room immediately, and Ianto stayed behind to clear the half-empty cups. Jack was still sitting at the head of the table.

Ianto could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He'd missed Jack so much. Getting back here, seeing him again, was all he'd thought about for those two years. But the Doctor had asked him to stay. Asked, not ordered, and Ianto had complied every time. What the Doctor had shown him had changed him and he shuddered at the memory. He just hoped that there was enough of Ianto Jones left for Jack to love. He reached the last cup, Jack's cup. Ianto cleared his throat. "Are you finished with that, sir?" Jack nodded and Ianto reached for it, but was stopped short by Jack standing quickly and facing him. He took a few quick steps towards him, and Ianto backed away, dropping the tray of half-empty mugs. Jack followed and soon Ianto was pressed against the wall, Jack's hands against the wall on either side of his head. Ianto tried to stop himself, but he couldn't stop the half-sob that came to his throat. He'd tried so hard to block the memory, but he could still see Jack crushing the life out of him. Jack's eyes misted, and he leaned in to kiss Ianto, his warm, sweet breath sending a rush through Ianto despite himself. Jack stopped before he reached his target, and Ianto had to stop himself from closing the distance. Jack's eyes stopped him. He needed to say something.

"Ianto," he hesitated. "I don't expect you to ever forgive me, I don't deserve it. I don't know why the Doctor brought you back. He called me _wrong_ once. I never thought he would allow this to happen to anyone else, especially you. You're immortal now, and I don't want you living forever thinking that I meant to do that to you. I'm so sorry, Ianto." He stopped, and for a moment Ianto thought that he would lean closer, just an inch, closing the gap between them. "I scare you, Ianto." Ianto shook his head. "Don't deny it, I saw it in your eyes when you backed away. I can still see it in your eyes." Ianto sucked in air quickly and turned his face away. Did his face really give that much away? He didn't want to be scared, he knew there was no reason now. But he couldn't help himself. Every time Jack made a sudden movement, or got too close, Ianto's memories of that day flashed before his eyes. He was ashamed of himself for not being able to control himself. "I need you to know that, Ianto. I'm sorry." He took Ianto's face in his hands and leaned in, kissing him ever so gently. He pulled away after a few seconds. "And I need you to know this will never happen again. You don't have to worry about that. I won't touch you again." Jack turned on his heel and in three quick steps was gone. Ianto slid his back down the wall until he was sitting, hands clasped around his knees. He couldn't stop the tears from falling uncontrollably down his cheeks. He couldn't stop his body from shaking. He couldn't stop his mind from thinking about an eternity without Jack.

TW

_Whew! Finally finished this chapter. Sorry about all the angst, couldn't help myself. Any requests for how this will end? I already have it mapped out in my head, but I'm always willing to take suggestions. Please review and tell me what you think! Hopefully the next chapter will be up tonight. _


	9. Chapter 9: Building

_I still don't own Torchwood or its characters. (not making money off this)_

_Alright, so all those questions: Why did the Doctor bring Ianto back? Will our favorite couple get back together? Is Ianto okay? I'll answer them all, may take a few more chapters though. :P_

TW

They were all in the waiting room. Ianto was handing out coffee and sandwiches, Jack was standing in front of the window watching the rain, Lois and Martha were sitting on one of the couches. Gwen had gone into labor 2 hours ago, and they'd all rushed to the hospital. Ianto had been back for two months, and things were starting to return to normal. Everything but Jack. He'd loosened up quite a bit, but the team could still see the sorrow in his eyes. Ianto had reverted back to his Tea Boy status, and he seemed more than happy to fill the position.

Ianto walked up behind Jack and tapped him on his shoulder. "I brought you a sandwich, sir." Jack turned and took it from his hands.

He smiled as he saw what kind it was. His favorite. "You remembered."

Ianto allowed a smile to spread onto his face. "Of course, Jack." Jack froze. That was the first time in two months that Ianto had used his name instead of 'Sir', and for a brief moment, Jack allowed himself to hope. Ianto could see that Jack had noticed, and turned away, embarrassed.

They were interrupted by a nurse walking into the room. "Mr. and Mrs. Williams asked me to let you know that they've given birth to a beautiful baby girl. They're waiting for you in Room 106."

They all headed toward the door, sharing smiles. The two ladies let out a few squeaks of excitement. Lois and Martha had grown pretty close over the months. They shared similar interests and got along together very well. Martha's husband had moved to Cardiff once they'd realized that her stay there would probably be much longer than first expected.

Martha reached the door first and pushed it open, holding it for everyone else. Soon they had all filed in and were oohing and awing over the baby. Ianto had never been very good at dealing with children. He was used to his niece and nephew, but babies scared him a bit. So tiny and fragile. "Have you named her?" he asked, peeking at the face buried in a bundle of fabric.

Gwen glanced at Rhys and they said in unison, "Toshiko."

Ianto and Jack shared a glance and Ianto looked away quickly. Jack's eyes lingered for a moment, allowing hope to consume him. He stepped to stand beside Ianto, and Ianto didn't step away. He didn't look at Jack, but he didn't step away. He didn't step away, Jack repeated in his head.

TW

It was Gwen's first day back at the Hub. She'd taken a month off work to care for Tosh. She'd sworn to Rhys that she wouldn't go into the field for at least another month.

"I'm reading two alien life-forms in an abandoned warehouse 20 minutes away," Lois called out from her seat in front of the computer.

The team crowded around her. Jack peered at the screen. "Anything we recognize?"

"Looks like Weavils."

Jack looked around and hesitated for a moment. For an immortal, he certainly was a coward. He'd been trying to pluck up his courage to do this for the past month. He cleared his throat. "Ianto, gear up. I'll get the SUV ready. Martha, get the cells ready please. Gwen and Lois, keep us updated." Martha, Lois and Gwen shared glances as Jack turned and headed for the invisible lift.

"Yes, sir." Ianto headed toward the armory. He was glad to be going into the field again. There might be some awkwardness to overcome with Jack, but that didn't frighten him. He was tired of watching Jack when he had his back turned, and he was tired of feeling Jack's eyes on him when Ianto had his back turned. They'd been playing that game all month, and he looked forward for the chance to clear the air. Jack would never want him back, would never believe that Ianto truly did trust him. But it would be a relief to get all the tension away.

Ianto straightened his tie and brushed his hands over his jacket. He took a deep breath and headed upstairs to meet Jack at the SUV. He crawled into the passenger seat, buckling the seat belt quickly. Jack followed Lois's directions and they were on their way.

"It's been a while since you've been in the field. Years, actually. Are you ready for this?" Jack raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Ianto.

"Yep."

Jack grimaced at his short response. Maybe this was a bad idea. They continued the drive in silence, pulling up to the warehouse and hopping out of the vehicle. Lois's voice crackled over their earpieces. "Looks like they're in the basement. Can't pinpoint exactly where, though."

Jack drew his gun and Ianto followed suit. They headed toward the door and it creaked open slowly. Soon they were in the basement, guns pointed ahead of them, their weavil spray at the ready. A noise behind them alerted them to one of their locations, and they turned to see a very angry weavil barreling towards them. It was almost on top of Jack, and Ianto shoved Jack aside, pushing him out of its path. A spray to the face and a tranq-dart later, Ianto was standing over an unconscious weavil. "Sorry, sir," he apologized as Jack got up and brushed himself off.

"No harm, no foul," Jack quipped. Ianto turned to find the other weavil, but Jack's voice behind him stopped him. "Ianto, you don't have to call me Sir all the time. You never did." Ianto turned toward him and gave a slight nod.

"Okay."

Soon the other weavil was lying unconscious in the back seat of the SUV next to the other, and the two men were headed back to the Hub.

Ianto sighed, and Jack heard him. "What's up?" he asked, almost cheerily.

Get a grip, you idiot, Ianto said to himself. He was never going to be able to clear the air at this rate. "Sir…Jack. Jack, you know I trust you, right? What happened before, I know you weren't in control. More so now than I did then. I just…I don't want you to think I don't trust you."

"More so now than you did then?" Jack raised his eyebrow again. Ianto shifted uncomfortably. "You don't have to tell me anything, it's not like I exactly have any right to know after what I did."

"Okay."

Jack chuckled, but Ianto could tell it was fake. "Alright then." His voice grew serious. "And thanks, Ianto. You know I'm truly sorry, right?"

"Don't keep apologizing, Jack. It wasn't you, and I know that."

Jack hesitated on his next question, but he decided since they were actually talking for once, he would make the most of it. "Do you hate him?"

"Who?"

"The Doctor."

Ianto looked over at Jack and his felt his whole body stiffen. "No, Jack. This isn't something I would've wanted for myself, but I know why he did it. He spent two years showing me why."

Jack relaxed a bit. "So…you weren't just…travelling with him?" He couldn't help himself. There were so many questions Jack wanted to ask, and it looked like today was going to be the only time he'd get some answers.

Ianto shook his head. "Jack, I asked him to take me home every day. And every day he would ask me for another day. He's not the sort of man you can say no to. One day he didn't say no, he brought me home."

"Why?"

"Why did he bring me back?"

"Yes."

"Jack, it doesn't matter now. It fixed the problem, and that's all that really matters. It's not something I like thinking about. But knowing what I know now, I wouldn't hesitate to give him my permission for doing what he did."

They pulled into the parking spot, and each man took a Weavil down into a cell.

TW

Ianto sat down slowly onto his couch, reaching towards the book he had sitting on the coffee table. Today had been nice. He'd cleared the air somewhat with Jack and he smiled to himself. Eternity without Jack would be unbearable, but an eternity being friends with Jack, while not ideal, might be bearable. He heard a knock on the door and groaned. Damn those neighbors, always stopping by to "borrow" random cooking ingredients. It only counted as borrowing if his things were returned. He considered ignoring the door, but whoever it was knocked again, a bit more loudly this time.

He swung the door open, mouth dropping open when he saw who it was. Jack had never been to his flat before, and Ianto couldn't help but feel a thrill as Jack stepped over the threshold silently. Jack didn't say anything, so Ianto invited him into the living room, going to prepare a couple coffees. He could see Jack from where he worked. The 51st century man pulled his coat tightly around him, looking around himself, taking in the crisp, clean orderliness that was Ianto's apartment.

After a few minutes, Ianto re-appeared, carrying two mugs of coffee. Handing one to Jack, he sat onto the couch and frowned when he realized that there was nowhere for Jack to sit, other than the couch. His flat was small, he didn't need much space, so the furniture was sparse and only consisted of the necessities. Ianto had always hated clutter. Ianto invited Jack to sit, setting one of the pillows carefully onto the floor, giving Jack space to sit. He wondered why Jack was here, and came to the conclusion that he must've come to apologize again. So unnecessary, he thought to himself.

They sat on the couch, silently sipping their coffees. Jack was the first to break the silence. "Ianto, did he bring you back because of me?" Ianto nodded. "For me or because of me?" Ianto looked at him, and Jack could see by the look on his face that it had been because of him. "If I ask what I did, would you tell me?"

"The Doctor told me you might ask." Jack continued to sit silently, staring at his coffee. "Jack, I can't tell you, but I can show you. The Doctor gave me a way. He said I never had to show you, but it's there, just in case. Trust me, Jack, you don't want to know."

Jack shifted uncomfortably, an odd gesture for a man like him. "You're right, I don't want to know. But I do need to know."

Ianto sighed and took the coffee out of Jack's hands, placing them both on the coffee table. Ianto took Jack's face in his hands. "Are you sure?" Jack nodded.

Ianto closed his eyes and Jack fell back against the couch, unconscious. Ianto kept his hands on Jack's face, concentrating, whispering quietly. "Please forgive me, Jack."

TW

_Jack stood on the edge of darkness, shouting at it, screaming at it to take him. A man lay dead at his feet, and the blue box behind him began to shatter, white light pouring out of each crack. He could feel the fury within himself. Fury at what had happened to him, fury at the lives taken away from him. Pure, molten, fury. It was all he could feel, every other emotion pushed aside. Faces flashed before his eyes, faces of those long dead, ripped away from him. This thing was toying with him, forcing him to watch, unable to do anything about it. Now, in this moment, he felt like a god. He held the universe in his hands, and he squeezed, tighter and tighter. More cracks covered the blue box, white light covering everything. The darkness was pushed away, out of reach, and Jack screamed. He screamed, squeezing tighter, forcing the darkness to come back. It rushed towards him from every angle, pushing and pulling at him. Pain now mixed with the fury. He welcomed it and continued squeezing. Searing pain covered his body, boiling and boiling, forcing screams from his lungs. The screams weren't of pain, they were of triumph. Seconds, just seconds more. If there was no more time, he could no longer be a fixed point in it. The universe went blank. Time didn't exist._

TW

Whew! That was kinda fun to write! It's getting late, so I'll probably post the next chapter tomorrow. Let me know what you thought of the above paragraph. I've never written anything like it, so let me know if it was cheesy or something. Please review! I love reviews, they keep me motivated. :D

Oh, I don't know if anyone cares, but I found some very nice Jack & Ianto videos on YouTube. Figured I'd share my favorites with you:

A Blip in Time (Jack/Ianto) by di0br {because it's beautiful}

Sleepwalker-Jack/Ianto by Allumie {because it makes me cry every time}

Everything-Jack/Ianto by Allumie {because it cheers me up after Sleepwalker}

Bad Romance-Jack/Ianto by enneegray {because I'm perverted}


	10. Chapter 10: Eternity

_Hello again! Still don't own Torchwood or its characters._

TW

Jack's eyes flew open and he felt himself being held down by something. Ianto was beside him on the couch, his arms circled tightly around Jack. He shifted slightly, placing his head against Ianto's chest. They stayed like that for hours, sobs and tears issuing from Jack uncontrollably, Ianto doing his best to comfort him. He let his fingers drift towards Jack's face, slowly placing his palm on the wet cheek, keeping him close. After a few hours, the sobs stopped, and Ianto kissed Jack's forehead, hearing the slow breaths issuing from his mouth. Ianto stayed up all night, holding Jack's sleeping form in his arms, dreading the morning when he'd have to let him go.

TW

Ianto felt Jack's hand, pushing against his chest. Jack sat up, hand still resting gently on Ianto's chest. He took a deep breath, remembering what Ianto had shown him last night. He looked at Ianto and he couldn't stop the words flowing from his mouth. "Are you sure you stopped me?" Ianto nodded. "How can you be sure? Maybe it still happens. I'm wrong, Ianto. Maybe there's no way to stop me." Ianto shook his head and entwined his fingers with those resting on his chest.

"Jack, it's done. The Doctor showed me what happened. The cracks were still closing, and we could still see through them. They're closed now. Everything's alright, Jack."

"It's not alright. It's my fault. My fault that he had to bring you back. If I would've controlled myself, remembered you, not betrayed you. I know what it feels like to step through time, alone, no hope of it ever ending. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I never…I never…" Jack's eyes were pleading.

"Jack, what's done is done. Dwelling on it won't make it easier." There was a slight harshness in Ianto's voice, and Jack pulled his hand away. For a second Jack wished it could still happen. An eternity without Ianto would be misery, but an eternity knowing Ianto didn't want him anymore, knowing that he was alive and well, living his life without Jack. That, that would be hell.

"I should go." He stood up, turning quickly towards the door.

Panic overtook Ianto. He watched Jack reaching for the handle, not turning back. "Jack, my Jack, don't leave me." Within seconds Jack was standing in front of him and Ianto was breaking down. "Jack, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I assumed we had more than we did. I'm sorry that I thrilled when anyone called us a couple. I know you hate those words, I know it now. I'm sorry that every time you died, and I held you in my arms, I prayed for you to come back. I'm sorry I was so selfish, I should've prayed for what you wanted, not what I needed." The words were pouring quickly from his mouth, tears streaming down his face. "I'm sorry I wanted more from you than you could give. I don't care, Jack. I'll take whatever small part of yourself you can give me, take it and not complain. Owen was right, I was never more than a part-time shag, and I'm okay with that. A blip in time. I'm begging you Jack, if I have to spend eternity living, if that's what this can be called, let me have a few more memories. Break my heart, I'm fine with that. It'll just be another memory of you I can cling to. Please, just don't leave me yet." The choked words stopped coming, and he fell to his knees, hands covering his face as he tried to regain control of himself. All those insecurities had come bubbling to the surface, and he couldn't control them. God, what must Jack think of him.

He felt Jack's arms encircling him, holding him close. He clung to the feeling, glad to receive at least this much. He was an addict. He didn't care how much more it would hurt later, but he needed it now. Needed to feel Jack close to him.

Jack whispered into Ianto's ear, trying to come up with the right words to end Ianto's pain. "Listen to me, Jones, Ianto Jones." Ianto remembered the first night they'd met. That had been how he'd introduced himself. Jones, Ianto Jones. "I'm so sorry." Ianto felt a lump in his throat and swallowed. This was it, then. "I knew that one day I would lose you. I prayed it would be from old age. I prayed I could have every second I could with you in my arms. When people called us a couple, I was lying to myself. I loved every second of it. When I thought you were gone forever, I regretted every second that I'd never told you I loved you. I should've told you every day, I should've made it so obvious that I loved you. I should've made it so you never would've doubted my remembering you in a thousand years. I could never forget you, Jones, Ianto Jones. You're the love of my life. I told you once and I'll tell you again. You will never be a blip in time, not to me. Whenever it was that Owen called you my part-time shag, I wish I would've been there. I would've shown you right then and there that it wasn't true. If I have to spend eternity showing you how much I love you, I will. I want to. Let me show you, give me a chance." He was cut off by Ianto's lips on his. It started out gently, Jack too startled to respond. Startled and thrilled. He pulled Ianto in tighter, closer, placing a hand behind Ianto's head, pulling their faces closer together. Jack tried to control himself, but he couldn't. He let go, kissing those sweet lips back, trying to be gentle, but becoming more and more fierce as the minutes ticked by.

The two men kneeling on the floor in the sparse little apartment became one. All their worries dropped away, leaving nothing but the desire to be close to one another. Jack's hands glided gently over Ianto's trembling body, meeting no resistance. Ianto's arms wrapped even tighter around Jack, pulling him to the floor, never interrupting their kiss.

What happened next could never be put into words. There was no roughness, no rushing. Just pure, amazing, wonderful love. For the first time in his very long life, Jack looked forward to eternity.

The End

TW

Well, there it is! I really hope the ending doesn't disappoint anyone, I wrote it as nicely as I could. Please let me know what you think! This is definitely a CoE fix-it, nothing more, nothing less. I've never written a story with quite so much emotion in it, so please let me know how I did. Thanks so much, and I really hope everyone enjoyed my story. Well, Jack and Ianto's story, cause that's what it is.


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